Moments

I think I had a moment of emotional clarity this evening. As I rocked Benjamin much longer than I normally would, my heart realized how much I love my son. I think my heart stopped the moment I first saw him in the hospital, but there's something extra special about a few quiet moments spent together in the days approaching Christmas. Today we attempted to purchase every one of our Christmas gifts along with a badly-needed new carseat. There was enough snow on the ground from Saturday that a ruler would probably get lost if we tried to measure it.

We started by trying to make a meal for someone recently home from a long stay in the hospital. Stephen walked in the door with the groceries and had to immediately turn around and go back to the store to purchase disposable casserole pans. As Stephen attempted to dig my car out of the snow, I stood in the kitchen with the oven beeping, my cell phone ringing, and Benjamin yelling over the monitor, having just awoken from his nap. The meals took much longer than normal to cook and we rushed out the door to begin the shopping fun. After making it to Babies R Us, coupons in tow, and the carseat purchased, we realized the box would not fit in the car. We also realized that we could no longer muster up the strength to squeeze Benjamin into the infant carseat (despite him still being in the size limits). Plan B: install the new carseat in the parking lot.

After finally making it to the mall, we got out of the car, got Benjamin into the stroller, and he promptly spit up all over himself. We eventually made it to the food court for dinner and found that the only highchair we could find in the place had a broken latch. I eventually made it to the lovely mall bathroom at Christmas-time baby changing table after eating and attempted to decontaminate the area before the changing-not an easy task with the spit-up kid who has no desire to be still. I was afraid it would be reminiscent of the Harvest Festival evening at the church when Benjamin aimed the supersoaker high and got everything wet.

We made our first successful purchase with approximately one hour left until baby bedtime. Hallmark proved to be slightly overwhelming to navigate with a stroller and a child highly interested in Lenox photo frames and ornament keepsakes. Each new store was an event in navigation. Turn the corner, and wait! There's a stack of bags there. Now I need to inconvenience the people behind me because I have to reverse the stroller since there's not enough room to turn it around. Sigh. Nothing purchased there. Target did prove to have a bounty of unexpected gifts though. And Bath and Body Works proved to be oddly inexpensive due to a combination of coupons I had and the "2 or 3 for $xx" deals.

We decided on the things Stephen would have to buy during the week and I know I still need to purchase something for my own husband, but it was just getting too late. We hit route 100 and had to sit and wait behind someone who decided the left turning lane wasn't good enough for him. He wanted to use the left lane of traffic to make his turn. And yet, as we drove home, I turned to Stephen and said, "I think I'm in some sort of denial that Christmas is this week." You would think the events of the weekend would help me towards that conclusion, but I have yet to hear Santa's sleigh.

I'm sure that I have make many mistakes over this past year as a new mom, but I do know this, I love my child. I have had many negative attitudes and said many negative things to my husband, but it will work itself out. I wish sometimes that I could be a better parent, but then I realize I most often wish for kids' sakes that other people were better parents. Inevitably I will disappoint someone, but I do my best to do what's best for Benjamin. And that, I think, is one of the tough lessons to learn when you become a parent. But there is no greater joy in my eyes than those moments you realize you wouldn't have it any other way. With every argument, financial constraint, long commute, and sleepless night, there is no greater joy for me than holding my son against my shoulder as he falls asleep. Not a peep out of him as I slowly lower him into his crib. Tomorrow we will start it all over again. And we can only hope that those moments are more frequent than the not-so-proud moments.

An outdoorsman

We have recently discovered Benjamin's true love of the outdoors. He has always enjoyed taking walks in the park in the stroller, but now he really likes to play in the dirt. We dressed him up for a cold day at the park quite awhile ago and he had fun pulling at the grass and attempting to eat it. The daycare has commented that when they spread a blanket outside for the babies to play on, Benjamin refuses to stay on it! He wants to go play in the grass and mud and usually requires a clothing change. The best way to be a little boy in my opinion. Hopefully one day we will have a yard for him to play in. His "slightly" tomboyish mother is definitely looking forward to Saturday morning peewee soccer.

A little Late

There will be a lot of posts coming soon as we finally get all our phots loaded on here. Benjamin is a growing boy-almost one year now!! Christmas and my own birthday are upon us and we have to post some pictures back from Thanksgiving and some days we spent in the park with the little man-hopefully soon!

Halloween and Fall 2009

Despite many obstacles, I was able to do several different fall and Halloween activities with Benjamin. Unfortunately Stephen got the flu and was unable to do most of it with us. We got to volunteer at Autumn Fest, attend a friend's Halloween party, and take a day out to Linvilla Orchards to go on a hayride and pick out some pumpkins. Benjamin enjoyed it all and I got my first taste of trekking through the mud to do something with my son. I am convinced Benjamin will love all things "boy" in a couple of years (he already loves crawling around in his birthday suit).

9 Months

Apparently I'm not so good at keeping up with the blog and I really wish that I had more time and energy to do it. These past few weeks have been very overwhelming and stressful for us but somehow God always seems to work out the details. Benjamin turned 9 months old on October 7 and we took him to his check-up the following weekend. Our little 7 lbs. 12 oz. baby has grown to 19 lbs. 4 oz. The other day I compared a photo of him at 6 weeks with one recently taken at his daycare and I couldn't believe it was the same little boy. Now Benjamin has grown into a very, very active infant who cannot sit still for a moment. Getting lotion and pj's on after bathtime is a 2-person battle and diaper changes really require a certain degree of patience. His crawling has become very fast, his smiles even larger, and his "talking" even louder. We often find ourselves staring at him and smiling. He has recently learned the art of waving and has mesmerized several people at a time with it.
Our finances seem to go up and down with each passing day. Thankfully we are still afloat and have found some new ways to cope. The weather recently has caused some joint swelling and very achy muscles for me, but I seem to be the healthiest one of the bunch with Stephen sick and Benjamin coughing and going through periods of teething at the same time. Recently it has become more and more difficult for me to get up in the morning, take on my responsibilities at work, and then come home to my energetic son. Late evenings and a lot of traffic have only added to the drain. I couldn't think of a better way to be tired though than having a healthy, joyful child, a meaningful job, and an otherwise blessed existence (a house, a genuinely devoted husband, and many other unmentioned things.) Even though I am often exhausted and sore on my long drives to and from work, my mind inevitably wanders to how truly blessed that we are.
Here are a couple of recent photos of Benjamin. I will add a few more from recent months in some upcoming posts. You can see why some days are harder than others to get out of bed.

Beach Vacation September 2009

We recently took our first family vacation as a family of three to one of my favorite destinations: Ocean City, NJ. Benjamin thoroughly enjoyed every attempt to eat the sand, but wasn't such a big fan of the colder water. We relished in staying with members of my family, allowing us some un-paralleled time to sleep in and take numerous naps while Benjamin spent time with his grandparents. We took many strolls up and down the boardwalk as Benjamin has really started enjoying long walks in his stroller. We took our first visits to the pancake house, Mack and Manco's, Curly's Fries, and Shriver's. Actually it was more than one visit to Shriver's due to my seemingly insatiable desire for fudge. When else can I give myself the excuse to eat as much fudge as I want? Unfortunately the box we brought home is nearly empty.

We had the opportunity to stay in a very nice, very cheap (courtesy of a steep discount from my sister's professor) beach house a couple blocks off the beach and boardwalk. Benjamin had a lot of fun having storytime with his grandparents and even spending a couple nights sleeping in their room in his pack 'n play (though only one room away from his mother at all times!!)

It is most unfortunate that on Monday we both had to return to work and get re-adjusted to regular life after such a fun and relaxing week for all of us.

More from Month 3

Month 3 was a big month of transition for us with me going back to work and Benjamin's first day of daycare. It was a sleepless night the night before and a rough first few weeks for me emotionally, but we have pulled through and Benjamin is really thriving. There is a crazy amount of exhaustion in our lives now, but it couldn't be caused by anything better. I still wish for the day I could stay home with my little man, but for now, we are blessed to both still have our jobs (even at reduced income/hours for Stephen) and the ability to support our family.

Benjamin's Second Month

Some photos from Benjamin's Second Month-When I started to venture out of the house more feeling a little bit more recovered-unseasonably warm to be in the park in February.

Benjamin's First Month

Some photos from Benjamin's first month at home

Pregnancy

Since I have seen this from several pregnant friends now, I thought it would be fun to look back at some of my own pregnancy photos to see the changes my body went through. They go in order from 13 weeks, 20 weeks, 25 weeks, 30 weeks, 35 weeks, and then 10 days before Benjamin was born. I insist it's 22 pounds of all baby! I have become quite jealous of all those mothers out there who seem to simply shrink back down to their pre-baby size within moments of delivery. Despite that, I am in awe of what my body was able to accomplish during the pregnancy and have to remember that every woman is different.

So I knew it would be awhile in between posts and it was so long that I forgot the password :-) Benjamin is really very mobile now, crawling around everywhere and pulling himself to stand up and "talk" to us all the time. He recently discovered a love of bouncing and his grandparents decided to buy him a jumperoo. He loves it and we think it's the cutest thing to see him bouncing up and down giggling. Since discovering his ability to move, Benjamin is now affectionately known as the pacifier thief at daycare. He often tried to put more than one in his mouth and will crawl up to other children and steal pacifiers right out of their mouths.